it's over? yeah, soon, i guess. gone were days of endless stretch of sleepless nights,
hours of brain-stretching work, the frowning and wrinkling, you name it.

the funny thing is when i'm in my passive state i thought it was never going to start;
when in my peak i thought it was never going to end; now i just wish it did'nt end.
but i'm a happy man, i could'nt asked for more.

honestly. i've worked with the best two people in my life and nothing is really possible
without their support. if i were given a choice to choose who i wanted to work with, i
will definately never replace these two people. not in a million years.

and anyone who dares to comment on this i challenge you to do as well as them.
critics usually sit on their ass and shoot their mouth off. and really, if you are that
fantastic, why don't you take over them?

all in all, we did'nt get what we wanted. but we DID get what we wanted.
well, some of us. i came to know of the results by a text message and i just smiled
upon reading it. then i moved on. my problem is this: why does it haunt some of us
while most of us just pass this off as a great achievement?
after analysing, it still comes down to what i said before.
if you give your best and enjoyed, results are just subjective opinions.
like wise, if you are the one that rebelled, slack, produced half-past-six standards, you will regret. engraved deep into your mind will be the thought that you could do better,
should'nt have been the cause, etc.

so what happens if you deny all these but still gets distracted? there you go, i'm right.



alright, nothing about band now.

i can't find the words to do justice to my disappointment.
i remembered what you said last year. it's edged in my mind. i know what you will say.
it's different, people changed. it's always your reason you don't even know it's
become your excuse and your route of escape.

YES, it's a-all-always been what you want and what i do for you. and you don't know
the half of it, man. all the nights i spent arguing just to make sure you won't get fired
up.

and it's just unlucky of me that your like a drug to me. so addictive, yet it kills.
i dunno, someone up there just didnt want you off my mind. i've been distracted,
been fearful. never have i felt so much fear in my life. but it's okay. as long as your happy.


i hide them well, just to keep you happy.

waiting to see what's going to happen next in my life.
watching horror movies full of suspense. what's the difference now?



not that i do watch them anyway, they are sadistic to me.



so in one's bid to find meaning in life, it's best not to ancitipate but to
appreciate. see both words ends with 'ate'. the one that makes your SURROUNDINGS and yourself full is the best choice.



so will i anticipate change or appreciate what i have now before it's too late?



anticipate calls for hope. hope springs eternal (Alexander Pope).
people always hope for the best, even in the face of adversity.
now these always come to my mind whenever things are looking bleak.
it does a little motivation but whenever we slip back to reality, they're just words from a great man.



a higher level of anticipation calls for actions: the good, the bad or the ugly.
c'mon, ugly? what will a man profit if he gained the world and lose his soul?
possession, more often than not, breeds greed. to me, its one of the ugliest
side of mankind.



dont get me wrong anticipation is not that all bad. it's something that made
Singapore Singapore today. though we may already notice some side effects.



appreciating calls for greater sacrifice, so much of optimism and a whole lot of love.
i reckon that sacrifice is the opposite form of greed, but we all have different views.
giving up what you have, or could have, is like planting a seed into a ground without
expecting germination. it may do others good. i dont know, it's hard to explain what
i have in mind now.



well if you appreciate what you have in life, you wouldnt be so miserable today, would you?
in reality, there's no difference between a half-empty or a half-full cup of water.
but it's how you look at it that makes it seemed different.

you can: moan over a half-empty cup water; appreciate that you have a half-full cup of water.
but i guess the best way of showing appreciation is still giving that half-full cup of water away to someone who needed it more than you.



and that's love. it's the reason you are here in this world. it's the reason why
wars errupt every now and then. and guess what? technology cannot reproduce
the same amount of quality of it. at least i thought so.

recently, my father posted me a question on my sketchy future.

"what are you going to be?"

"it will have to do with me and sharing music to mankind," i answered without hesitating.

it was not the first time i was questioned like that. but the answers never changed.
my father then directed me to the 'kopitiam' card which he had just injected money into it.
technology. it's replacing humans. a few months ago, if a top-up was needed, i have to ask
the person at a counter to do it. now the person's job has been replaced by a machine.
sooner or later, a huge percentage of jobs will be run by machine, by technology.

but if there is one thing a machine cannot take up, it's got to be producing soothing music.
no matter how you program a machine to producing heart warming tunes, it's just not
the same as what a man could do.

now im not talking about technical-wise here.
let's imagine Japan invented a super-smart robot that could play piano (no idea
if there's such technology already). the first time the robot plays will sound exactly
identical to its hundreth time.

and that's where mankind won. we have passion, love. so in other words, if you lacked
them you are related to robots more closely than you think.

what's posted here might not come to terms with what you readers define in your minds.
nope im not a lunatic, definately. im just like all of you, trying to find out the reason for
mankind's presence in this universe. i've tried it all: self-discovery; metacognition; etc.
nothing prepares me for this. nah i'm not talking just about band, thought i admit
most of the time i lived my secondary school life around it.

now think: is friendship considered a possession? now there's a slight contradiction about
greed and love now, isnt it? what is it about us and definations? why do we usually
want to classify things? i guess we are just trying to draw the line between good and bad.


now i've come to realise i don't fit. not you, not them. maybe next time, maybe never.
but if there's such a theory of 'conservation of energy', i believe there's one for love too.
now as human, let me define love. it could be mutual, passionate, sexual or affection.
it's a great word used in families, friendships and relationships alike. (in case you dont
realise yet, i'm trying to tell you i'm not talking just about my love life. maybe some, yeah)

we all know we can never mix fire with water. one has to go if the other were to stay.
if they dont fit, it's just too bad. but love never dies just like the ashes will always remain.

so if love is about letting go sometimes, then why love? why mankind? why us?

so look, here's my promise made to all of you tonight.

i promise that we will all turn back and say, yeah that's my finest hour.
i promise, i promise, i promise.