but why am i still not happy?

alright, i shant post any 'emotional' stuffs here in
case some irritating,thick-skinned people (unluckily, the mouth works faster than
their brains) think i'm talking about them. (c'mon, it makes me puke)
seriously, no surprises. "group to forget"- i forsee that long ago. haha.

i'm lucky, but not happy. why? can someone tell me

i'm spiralling downhill fast, it's only a matter of time before i hit rock bottom.
i need help, where's superman? god, where has all the love in the world gone to?

my life is going to be defined entirely by this year alone.

sorry's not good enough
and i'm not saying this just because i'm helpless and exhausted.

sorry is helpful, but irritating in excess. actions count but thoughts are priceless.
but sometimes thoughts lead to a mouthful of error in that might just proves costly.
and it's back to sorry.

i'm wrong. i'm sorry
"whatever."

even i thought of it myself, how could it have not come across your mind?
if i had a great mind, i will think of all the things in the world to save you.
if i had a great mind, i will come up with something more than a sorry.
if i had a great mind, i will show you that my world is not just filled with 'i' or 'you', but 'us'.

if? IF? if i'd known better i wouldn't need to say sorry.
i would have trusted, appreciated and shut that blackhole that's sucking all the joy.

who's wrong, who's right. all the wasted time in our lives trying to figure this all the time.
everything's equal, it's what we choose to be that's all. but, hey, i'm human too and we
make mistakes. easy to say, hard to forget, that is.

to me, opposite attracts. it doesn't matter that both people share different ideas.
you just have to be open-minded that not everyone share the same views and
interests and we got to respect that. we dont need to mould ourselves to an
identical mind and we definately don't need to change. however on terms like
whether to end a friendship or relationship, and in a marraige, whether to have a
family, both parties should come on terms.

if only i thought of this earlier 'cause i know we are on the same page.
then i would never, ever had whined.

gone were the days where i think before i speak. i should start appreciating things
that i have and don't have. actually i do appreciate and i know that i'm on the right
track. but sometimes up there in my mind something pulled my lever and i changed
course. i'm an animal now. with no mind on its own and more importantly, heartless.

but i wouldn't use a time machine to erased what i did. if time machine were invented,
it will probably be classified under "the greatest, yet worst invention in history".
why? 'cause it'd probably kill souls, rendered hatred and destory what's ahead (of everything)
we can easily turn back time to undo the things that we did and we wont respect that
everything happens for a reason.




i do, i know you do to, always.
i appreciate, and the only awkwardness are the moments when i started being paranoid.


what a fool i was.